im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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