I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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