The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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