Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
