im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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