$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
