You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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