Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it was like eating out sand paper
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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