where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
