There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
