im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize