Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
