I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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