Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
