woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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