on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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