I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
