hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
