Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
