After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
