you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
