My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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