I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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