Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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