my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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