you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
