I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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