Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
