how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
how drunk are you?
Several
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
