Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
