It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
