She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Randomize
