just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
