i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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