Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
