you guys were way drunker than both of me
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
