last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
only if we run a train.
done.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
