i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Damn victory sex feels great
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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