i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I've blown a few things in my day
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
