Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
