im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
