so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
