Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
