Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
