I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
