5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
