8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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