I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
