Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
