my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
