You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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