apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
