My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
