I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
