I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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