dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
it's like iHOP with fire
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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