She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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