I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
