covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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