Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
