she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
