I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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