you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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