oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
