Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
