Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
