her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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