I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
