Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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