just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
