It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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