sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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