im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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