i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
